Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
