ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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