I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
