Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
