I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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