i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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