I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
