I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
