party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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