Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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