doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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