I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
