The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
