Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
