Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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