You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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