He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
