OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
