just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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