i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
