Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
