someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
