someone threw a dead crab at me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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