well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
