you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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