People with herpes should wear stickers.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
