Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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