if you like me you must not know who I am
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
