One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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