He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
