the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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