well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize