anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
