i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
