shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
