I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
