Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
