I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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