Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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