don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
