Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.

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(214): View more from Texas

It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

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(909): View more from California

I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick

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(613): View more from Ontario

Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night

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(517): View more from Michigan

I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.

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