You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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