I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
