I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
