Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
