Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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