Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
