whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
