It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
