Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
