do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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