Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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