So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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