i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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