if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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