Non-Jews are for practice
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
