My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
