There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
