yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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