Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
