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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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