You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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