his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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