She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
