And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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