I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
