Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
