she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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